Juggling Balls

Today is Friday and it is the weekend, TGIF, has never been more appropriate, I have had a hellish week.... everyone keeps saying it gets better but it is hard work.
Josh was still ill on Monday and stayed home with me, Hannah has decided that she does not appreciate her brothers temper tantrums in the evenings and refuses to settle from 5:30 to at least 8pm which means my entire time is taken up by her.She is asserting or fighting for complete attention, which is the time when I need to also spend with Josh, which is the time that at least 9 times out of 10 my husband is not home from work. Sometimes getting home at 7pm either just before or just after. Which is practically bed time anyway, never mind getting supper started. Last night I lost the plot, I had two crying children, one throwing a major tantrum the other screaming her head off, vomit all down the inside of my top and a routine to still follow, i.e. feed Josh, bath Josh and breastfeed Hannah inbetween and wind her....suicide hour has turned into suicide hourS. It is not always so bad that I feel I could go off my rocker, but last night it was and where was my husband working late AGAIN.. to say I am UP TO HERE with it is an understatement...and lets not go to the 1 and a half days Paternity / Family Responsibility Leave he took. One day being the day she was born! So last night Josh heard me shout for the first time, scream at his father on the phone and then burst into tears....only for me to feel terrible afterward as his little lip trembled and then he started to cry...what a ogre I felt like, its not his fault. He doesnt understand, he tries to communicate all the words he cant say yet and the feelings of having a new sibling who monopolizes my time. On the other hand I dont feel like a great mother allowing my new born baby to cry as I give my son the quickest bath in history..... I dont want parenting to be like this, it upsets me and I know it is normal and I know it will pass, but I want to make memories not just deal with chaos all the time. I shudder to think how it will be when I have to go back to work, even more rushed, even more stressed ... we do what we have to and work because we have to and there are bonds and bills to pay... but at what price? to me there must always be a balance, life is just that a balance, everything in moderation.  But it is hard to keep all these balls juggled in the air, balance your time, balance your life, balance your budget. I suppose it is the rollercoaster of life ups and downs, joy and sadness.
I have to count my blessings though even though  my post may sound negative, I have a lot that others do not and have two children that are an absolute blessing when there are others that would be dying to go through what we are going through now..to have a child of their own, or have lost a child and would do anything to experience again what we are...Friends we know have a newborn in hospital with jaundice in ICU and whilst I am confident all will be fine with her, it just puts everything that happened last night into perspective....Today is a new day and I am thankful for it.
Have a wonderful weekend all xxx

2 weeks and 2 children

Hi all well I have survived the first two weeks...barely...lol. It has been a bit crazy to be honest and not nearly as calm and carefree as the first time around, when we had one baby to lavish attention on, a full time nanny and maid and a husband that got home at a reasonable hour.
Hannah is very good, she is actually very alert for her age I think and her neck is incredibly strong. I must admit I find the breastfeeding is going very well, and am fortunate (touch wood) that there has been no mastitis cracked nipples etc, however find it very time consuming. It is natural for a baby her size to feed anywhere between 2-4 hourly, and most of her feeds are around 3 hours with one or two been 2 hours if she feels like it then some night feeds are 4 hours. It just seems to take forever, feed, wind, maybe have to change a nappy, feed, wind. I try and allow it to be a bonding time but it is difficult when you know that there is other stuff to be done and a toddler to see to, it is more so with the late afternoon feeds not so much in the day. However Joshua has not been at daycare for the last 2 days as he had a temperature and a bit of a cough, we took him to the Doctor yesterday just to be sure, as I dont mind home treating colds etc, but dont like a chesty cough to be left and prefer to have a chest infection checked out. He has mild bronchitis, it isnt on his chest as yet but has a lot of phlegm and does not seem to cough it up, so he is on antibiotics and probiotics and some kiddies cough medicine goodness before you are home you have spent a fortune. So being at home with both has really kept me on the go, it is ok, tiring but not impossible. I can tell you one thing though it is a full time job and anyone who dares say being a stay at home mom is 'the easy life' obviously hasnt been there.

So as we muddle our way through the days, which become nights which become days and you kind of say 'wow she is 2 weeks already' and as Wendy put it 'we are doing this' as what else can we do, I try and look for the moments and capture some with camera, cuddle here and kiss there, read a bed time story and bath my newborn tenderly, before you know it the phase will have past and I will be remembering to back when Hannah was a baby. Joshua at 18months is no more a baby and when I handle Hannah then him I am amazed by his growth and the size of his feet, legs and heaviness! 12kg as opposed to 4.3kg - I will have super strong triceps! I also must mention that having been able to breastfeed has really helped shed those baby kilos, I am believe it or not weighing less than what I did when I fell pregnant with Hannah by about 3kg's!! There is still a bit of a tummy, which exercise will help get rid of and am looking forward to warmer days so that we can go walking.  Just need to watch how I eat as knowing from experience the last time, I stopped breastfeeding Josh and put on weight, but hopefully with it being summer it wont be that bad,  as can eat lots of salads etc, instead of comfort winter food. I am looking forward to the weekend as it means dad is home, he has a very pressurized job in the industry he is in and now to Dec is their busiest time so Clive has not had much chance to bond with his daughter, so I count the days till the weekend and get a bit miserable on a Sunday evening, here's to December holidays, although not too quickly... I dont want to wish away my maternity leave... dont even want to think about that right now :-(
Here are some new pics

Love me x