Today is Friday and it is the weekend, TGIF, has never been more appropriate, I have had a hellish week.... everyone keeps saying it gets better but it is hard work.
Josh was still ill on Monday and stayed home with me, Hannah has decided that she does not appreciate her brothers temper tantrums in the evenings and refuses to settle from 5:30 to at least 8pm which means my entire time is taken up by her.She is asserting or fighting for complete attention, which is the time when I need to also spend with Josh, which is the time that at least 9 times out of 10 my husband is not home from work. Sometimes getting home at 7pm either just before or just after. Which is practically bed time anyway, never mind getting supper started. Last night I lost the plot, I had two crying children, one throwing a major tantrum the other screaming her head off, vomit all down the inside of my top and a routine to still follow, i.e. feed Josh, bath Josh and breastfeed Hannah inbetween and wind her....suicide hour has turned into suicide hourS. It is not always so bad that I feel I could go off my rocker, but last night it was and where was my husband working late AGAIN.. to say I am UP TO HERE with it is an understatement...and lets not go to the 1 and a half days Paternity / Family Responsibility Leave he took. One day being the day she was born! So last night Josh heard me shout for the first time, scream at his father on the phone and then burst into tears....only for me to feel terrible afterward as his little lip trembled and then he started to cry...what a ogre I felt like, its not his fault. He doesnt understand, he tries to communicate all the words he cant say yet and the feelings of having a new sibling who monopolizes my time. On the other hand I dont feel like a great mother allowing my new born baby to cry as I give my son the quickest bath in history..... I dont want parenting to be like this, it upsets me and I know it is normal and I know it will pass, but I want to make memories not just deal with chaos all the time. I shudder to think how it will be when I have to go back to work, even more rushed, even more stressed ... we do what we have to and work because we have to and there are bonds and bills to pay... but at what price? to me there must always be a balance, life is just that a balance, everything in moderation. But it is hard to keep all these balls juggled in the air, balance your time, balance your life, balance your budget. I suppose it is the rollercoaster of life ups and downs, joy and sadness.
I have to count my blessings though even though my post may sound negative, I have a lot that others do not and have two children that are an absolute blessing when there are others that would be dying to go through what we are going through now..to have a child of their own, or have lost a child and would do anything to experience again what we are...Friends we know have a newborn in hospital with jaundice in ICU and whilst I am confident all will be fine with her, it just puts everything that happened last night into perspective....Today is a new day and I am thankful for it.
Have a wonderful weekend all xxx
Level-Up Your Sundays With Café Caprice This Winter
16 hours ago
6 comments:
What you experienced last night is totally normal! I am thinking of you - and I promise that it does eventually all fall into place. One baby is hard enough and you have two so dont be too hard on yourself. You are doing a wonderful job and Josh and Hannah are ever so lucky to have you as their mother. I am thinking of you. Hope your hubbie gives you some 'off' time this weekend. Denise xx
When people ask me what is different about havng two babies, instead of one, I always mention the juggling as that is the most challenging aspect. I know the words are little comfort now, but it really does get better - Hannah will settle more, Josh will adapt and you will get better at juggling! In my opinion Clive needs to help with cooking if you are doing the bathing, in order to make "suicide hour" easier for you. I am thinking of you and hope things get better soon. Stay strong. much love.
Oh Nicci. I so feel for you bt as you can see from everyones comments its all normal. You must just vasbyt. I remember how hard the first weeks were with just the 1st baby. Everything is new to you all and you are learning and getting into a routine. Just a thought here but someting I swore I would learn next time round. Josh needs his routine. He is at an age where it makes him feel safe so that must continue. At hannahs age she is not in need of any formal structure at the mo. Esp if its putting the house into such chaos. so juggle it so that after she has a feed you have a bath. put her in her chair next to the bath where you could rock or bounce her and bath Josh. before you know it they will be bathing together! Just a thought. its trail and error.
and I agree with Caroline. If clive is home at 7 things must be available to cook quickly and thats his job so you can sit down and eat a proper meal.
thinking of you Hun
xxx
You are a fantastic mother! You can do this! And ask for help!!! Ron xx
I don't always like to give advice but here's my bit anyway!
Perhaps part of the problem is that your reality does not suit the routine you have set up for yourself. I always allowed the reality of my life dictate the routine. My husband also used to leave early in the morning and come home after 7 every night. At that stage he also went into work every Sat morning! People thought I was mad but my kids used to nap in the late afternoon so that they could be up to see their dad every day. And the late nap gave me a chance to make supper. The only routine is the one that suits you!
Not much more that I can say, except hang in there!! I hope that you settle into your new routine soon, by the sounds of things, for your own sanity. I know I only had one child, but when Jake was tiny, I used to cook supper & bath & do laundry while he was having his morning nap. Then I'd sleep in the afternoon, so that by the time Jacques got home from work, I was rested and ready to enjoy the evening. Like Things must be manic with two kids, but you'll eventually get there and at the end of the day, you'll have two beautiful, happy children.
Sue XXX
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