Independance Day

So today is the 1st of July 2009 and not a good day in the life of Josh's mom.

Today Joshua started daycare. There are really no words to describe how I feel and dont want to get too upset at my desk had that day yesterday, and more 'snot en trane' this morning. I know I am not the first mom to do this and millions have done it before me, but for me this is HUGE, I like being in control, I am organized, there is always a plan. To drop my child off at a 'strangers house' with a bunch of other kids was not an easy task, unfortunately I have had no choice, like millions of mom's before me who work and cannot stay at home at look after their children. It is a horrible feeling. [Ok tea break as the eyes are welling again.]

With my nanny being booked off for a further 4 weeks for her leg, I needed to have a more permanent solution and cannot have family looking after him indefinitely, and could not delay longer as who knows if she gets booked off for longer after her next check up. It has left me in quite a predicament as we cannot have both the nanny and daycare. So have had no option but to go for the daycare as he needs to be looked after. So after doing some research as I do and going to see a couple of places, some really not nice, one with a swimming pool(I ask you?), one with a lady who looks after 12 toddlers on her own...is that legal? I finally found a place that I felt comfortable with, that was not overally big and crowded, with two really nice ladies that run it who have put a lot of effort and small touches in their daycare, called Babyland in Parklands. Whilst there having a look I bumped into an old neighbour who's new baby goes there and who's 5 yr old went to them previously. They only take from 3 months to 3 years. I felt a bit better knowing someone who takes their child there and are happy with them. Of course I was sobbing as I dropped him off this morning and Dee the lady was very sympathetic and not 20 minutes after I left, she sms'd me to say that Joshua was fantastic that he was already playing with a new friend and if I am upset at all I must please phone, but she will look after him for me. Which helped a bit. I have taken half day today and tomorrow so that I can pick him up a bit earlier so it is not such a long day for him.

No one can understand until they are a mother how much you long to protect and safeguard your children and how it hurts to let them go a little at a time, and this will carry on way into the rest of his childhood and adulthood. Why do we let ourselves in for this ? The smile, the kiss the 'love you mommy' the cuddle in the morning and Josh's latest 'my mummy'. That is why I know. Being a mom is rewarding but today it is tough!