Why?

It is a question that I am going to have to often as a mum answer to my children one day... why this mommy why that... and am in a way looking forward to that. But even as I look forward to those innocent enquiring questions from my kids, it is sometimes heartbreaking to know that I will not always be able to answer it....
It is with a bit of a somber heart that I blog today. A very good friend of mine, actually my best friend since college days way back in 1996, is going through a personal journey of heartache and I really feel sad for her today. Her dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer a few months ago literally, and has steadily declined and today I have learnt from her that he is in a coma and there is not much time left. Why? Why him at the young age of 60 odd, why him before they (Andrea and Brent) have had children so that he could meet his grandkids, why has he suffered so, why was it so quick, why not others? The truth is there is no answer. As someone whom most of you know is religious / or as I prefer to put it 'have a personal relationship with God' as opposed to a 'religion' - cannot answer. Most of the time I am quite strong and quite happily accept that we cannot know the answer to all things in life, that God knows all and His plans are carried out in His timing for His reasons.
I still however ask this question for her, for Andrea, as my heart breaks that she will have to go through the heartache of saying goodbye to her dad, something that if nature takes its natural course we will all have to do one day to all of our parents. She has been praying non stop that her dad would recover from this and be able to have treatment, but it seems this has not been possible, the cancer was just too far gone. Today he is in a coma and not responsive anymore to them anymore.
Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers together with her mom who is close to losing her life partner way sooner than what she expected.
So these are the questions as a mom that I know that I will come across eventually within the period of my kids growing up... the explanation of life and death, what is important in life and what is not. I dont know all the answers myself but what is important is what you do with your time, who you spend it with and what you ultimately leave behind - not 'things' but values and memories and 'time' with those you love. Uncle Gideon our thoughts are with you and your family and thank you for raising two spectacular daughters!!!

The Bad the Good and the Excellent

The Bad news is I have been absent from blogging for a while. The Good news is that we recently had a lovely long weekend and that it is already Wednesday which means effectively 1 more day until the WEEKEND. And the excellent news is we found out yesterday that we are expecting a little GIRL.
In between all of that I have celebrated my 31st Birthday on Good Friday, had Joshua's first Easter and had my 17 week scan yesterday where my gynae gave us the good news. I think Clive is very proud he is having a girl, and I am so pleased to be blessed with both a boy and a girl. I could not believe how she has grown and she has the longest legs ever, Josh had muscular legs which you could even see on the scan but she has such long legs, I am still amazed that I have not felt movement yet, though apparently the placenta is quite thick under my nerves by my tummy and that is why. All is well and is as it should be, the next scan will be our foetal assesment scan which is the big one they do to check organs etc. Also had to have blood tests yesterday to check iron levels etc. as am feeling drained and tired, but something tells me that is more to do with being a mom to a toddler already....
So Hannah it is then, she has been Hannah since I was pregnant the first time, it is strange as we did not even have a boys name and I strongly felt I was having a girl, I didnt want to be too vocal as didnt want to jinx it or convince myself as that is what I wanted. But in any event I feel incredibly blessed. It is as if she was always meant to be we were just waiting for her to arrive, if that makes any sense. So now I will begin the process of going through the clothes I kept of Joshua's see if anything is unisex and I will more than likely donate the rest to Ubuntu House in Goodwood a home for babies. I cant believe I will soon be at the halfway mark of this pregnancy, it is really flying by.
We also said goodbye to Jack and Tanya who were down from the UK for a month - although didnt spend half as much time with them as I would have liked it was still great to meet him and catch up with Tanya. Am posting some pics of them and of Josh on Easter Sunday at home, he had the tiniest taste of the chocolate egg, but that was it this mommy is strict on chocolate and sweet stuff.
Wishing you all a enjoyable rest of the week and hurry up Friday!

Josh on the Hunt (not like it was really hard)

Hmm what is this mummy?

Chocolate for me ... no you can have it mummy

Me and Jack Carter

Me Josh and Jack

Tanya and Josh

1st Birthday

Ok so this post is late, but have been meaning to post it for the last couple of days.
Joshua had his 1st Birthday party and it was a lovely day. It was warm, there were plenty of children and this pregnant mom was actually quite exhausted as I had not slept well the night before. I had so badly wanted to make Joshua cupcakes with no. 1's on them but when it got to the night before (I had bought the ingredients and everything) and it was 7:30pm and I was still doing some party packs - I just couldn't face baking on top of that. So he didnt get them and I will live with the mommy guilt until the next party.

He was so spoilt and was finished by the end of it, so was I as I had a serious puking attack after the party - due to the heat probably and the running around and a particularly horrendous nappy that Josh had done which just set me off, so was feeling very sorry for myself.

I feel as though the nausea is tapering off and not quite as severe still feel ill a bit but not as bad.

On Josh's actual birthday the family went through to The Barnyard which I had heard of through Catherine for some tea and scones and for Josh to have a bit of a play. Catherine and Max joined us and we had a nice time, though to be honest there were more pigeons there than any farm animals :-) Clive and I took the day off for this as I have decided and hope that I can stick to it that Josh will not spend a birthday alone with a nanny and without me until he starts school. Although now I will have another 'birthday' that will have to be off for too at least the months will be far apart i.e. March and September.

So that is me for now work is busy, we are in the process of all that goes along with selling a home and starting in a brand new one again and have daily work so life is busy but we are blessed so till next time.

Baby Lammer 2

9 weeks
13 weeks



Hi All,
Yesterday was our 13 week scan. Unfortunately Clive could not make it but had my gran go with me with Josh to it. Firstly I could not believe how fully formed the baby was and how much bigger from the last scan! I mean the last scan was a little coffee bean, now I saw a fully fledged little baby. Modern Technology is amazing, granted it was enlarged as she / he is only 7cm and 70g but still!
Baby was moving around like anything, my gran was amazed it was the first time that she had seen anything like it, in her day they just felt the stomach and put a horn thing apparently on the stomach to hear heartbeat and that was your ante-natal check up.

I did ask when we would see the sex of the baby, for definite at the next scan. She did get a look between the bottom and said it was too early to tell, but she thought it could be a girl, but no guarantees till the next scan. I must say I feel it is a girl but will wait and see before having any expectations.

This weekend is Joshua's 1st Birthday party with some kiddies nothing big so think of me as I have loads to do for Saturday when all I feel like doing is putting my feet up with a good book. I just never seem to get around to it.

I cant believe my little baby is almost a year, next week on the 24th it will have been a whole year. I want to slow the growth down but also enjoy all the new milestones and expressions and personality that is coming through. I suppose yes I will have that 'small little baby' soon enough with the new addition, but it is not the same.

More things that are happening in our lives at the moment is that Clives folks a.k.a Heather and Ford and the kids more than likely will be moving to New Zealand. It is a huge thing, we wish it didnt but life is never stagnant and change is always inevitable. Life has taught me that just when you think things are going along smoothly - a bump in the road called life happens. We dont want them to go but we want them to go if it is what they desire and wish for. In any event it is going to have a major impact on our lives. Clive's especially, it is his whole family that will be thousands of miles away, and we cannot just pop around or have them look after Josh for us. So it is going to be very tough if it all comes through.

This week is a very busy week have my gran down from PE, a friend down from London with her baby Jack that I have yet to meet, more friends down from JHB, so things are rather busy at the moment, but hope to upload some photos soon. In the meantime here are two pics of baby lammer 2 at 9 weeks and then yesterdays scan at 13 weeks.
Have a great week all

12 weeks Exactly

Today I am officially 3 months into my 2nd pregnancy. No miraculously I did not unfortunately wake up this morning and feel instantaneously better. In fact I felt terrible this morning and was convinced I would actually throw up. Sigh I know it is actually a good sign that you have morning sickness, but I have had enough. So angels up there please can it stop soon and the pregnancy just continue to progess smoothly.

Last night I went with purple ronnie to see family life's new addition Nina May and she is so beautiful. You just forget how tiny new borns are. She was quite alert when we arrived and I thought she had such lovely colour skin and so clear, and tiny hands with long fingers. Brought back so many memories of having Josh - and being them being in the same hospital I suppose. I really want to try and enjoy this pregnancy now as this is the last time that I am doing this - 2 is the limit.

Other than that we got some good news our house has been sold and it looks like we will be moving either the 1st May or 1st June. So lots ahead to do.

Today is also our 4 year Wedding Anniversary, though we have been together 10 years now. It is also a friend of ours birthday, Kim Nell, so Happy Birthday to Kim and to my husband, a very happy anniversary, thank you for all that you do for me and our family, I love you xxxx

Have a happy Thursday it is weekend tomorrow - yay!

Heat Wave

How hot has it been the past few days, I have found it to be unbearable and just adds to the nausea. Yesterday took the cake really. As I commented on Family Life I have been thinking about Caroline a lot in this heat as I remember how I struggled with Josh in the heat being heavily pregnant. The swimming pool was the only thing that got me through I think.

So in a way I am looking forward to being heavier in winter this time around, although have no winter maternity clothes from previously apart from jeans. The all day sickness is getting a little very little bit better, but still feel yucky at night. And even more so when it is really hot and I havent had something to eat in awhile, but as I said to a friend who feels like eating in this weather, I can just manage fruit and water most of the time. I am now 11 weeks pregnant and still fees a bit surreal at times, probably because I am so occupied with how sick I feel and with Joshua that poor new little bean doesnt get too much thought at this stage.

We havent had any news on the sale of our house we were supposed to hear this week if the purchasers buyer had received bond approval but we have not heard anything as yet as they are an Eskom employee and gets done inhouse with subsidies etc. Other than that we celebrated Clive's granny's 80th birthday this week and are off to Boschendal for lunch tomorrow - I was hoping to sit outside but with this heatwave we have elected to sit in the airconditioned restaurant. So heres hoping I can eat tomorrow and enjoy the buffet selection that I have heard so much about.

Hope you all have a great weekend xxxxx

De Ja Vu

Well for those not in the know, I have discovered a short awhile ago that I am pregnant again. Unplanned, unexpected, but nevertheless pregnant. I was waiting for my first scan to ensure that all was ok before saying too much but that was done last Thursday and have let the proverbial cat out of the bag.
Am I shocked - yes. Am I prepared - no. Am I concerned - Yes. but what can I do it cannot be undone and we did always want two children I was just not counting on it being so close together.
I was also not counting on feeling as terrible as I do. The 'morning' sickness is much worse and is all day sickness and more so at night, I am struggling to eat, and have a 11 month old who is demanding and still need to have my wits about me at work. To say I am feeling very sorry for myself at the moment is an understatement. I had exactly 2 hours sleep last night as Josh was awake from 12:30am to 4pm, why I have no idea except I was very frustrated and am very tired tonight. So we are in for the long haul. Fingers crossed it is a girl as I am not going to have a 3rd - it is just too much. Have been bad at posting pics as havent take many lately so have one or two of Josh from the other day which I have posted above.
xxx
xxxx

Decisions....

Once again I have to apologise for neglecting my blog, I know how I feel when no-one posts and it is the same story at the top that has been there for 3 weeks. So sorry that I have put you through that.

I have been absent from blogging for a couple of reasons, mainly because life is very busy at the moment and lots is going on in my head. The days fly by and before I know it, another week has gone by. What has been happening is trying to sell our home, and that as those of you who have had to do this, is very painstaking, stressful, irritating all in one as you have to deal with estate agents, short notice visits, sunday after sunday show houses. And most importantly the house has to be always neat and tidy. Not that we arent neat and tidy people (well not really with a toddler now) but it is irritating nonetheless. So we have had 2 offers now and decided to take the one which we signed off this morning. It is a huge step. It wasnt an easy decision to make.. We love our home - we have put a lot of hard work and effort into it making the small changes, the garden the pool etc. But I did know that it wasnt going to be the house forever as once we started a family we may need to move on. It isnt an easy thing, as I dont particularly like change I dont know if that is an Aries thing or not, but I like things to be safe as they are and know what is around the corner. As a grown up I know that that is impossible and the only thing that we can be certain of is that there will be change sooner or later, ups and downs, good times and bad.

So although the deal is signed it is subject to sale of their property and we have a month to see if that will work out else we may lose the home that we have put an offer in on with Garden Cities. I am content to say that if it is meant to be it will be, but must be honest it is a lot to think about, moving, packing, costs involved, the whole selling process with attorneys and a buyer is not something we have dealt with before. When we purchased this home we did so from the developer and were new buyers and that was that. So things are rather complicated now.

I hope we have made the right decision it will be a push for us as it is a bigger home with a bigger bond, but we are taking the step in faith and trust that we will be able to handle whatever is around the corner. So that readers is part of the reason I havent been blogging.

Other than that the Lammer family is well and hope to post some updated pics of our busy little boy who is almost 1!!!!
Love Me
xxx

It been awhile

Its been awhile since I posted. It is really more that I am trying to get back into the swing of things work wise and routine wise with Josh who at the moment is just not sleeping very well at night, every night is also becoming a huge indaba to get him to go to sleep. I think that he is teething - he now has another front tooth that has come through so he officially has 4 teeth, but it is really frustrating trying to get him to sleep for over a hour and half sometimes at night and then he can wake at about 2/2:30 and may stay up for an hour and a bit before going back to sleep. I am getting seriously sleep deprived and very very tired during the day and just about exhausted by the time I actually get home.
Josh will be 10 months old on 24th January and I am pretty soon going to have to be planning the 1st Birthday party - can you believe it!!! I am loving the stage he is at, at the moment as he is so interactive with us and so inquisitive with everything.
I love when in the morning he is half a sleep and groggily puts his head on my chest or tummy whilst gurgling to himself. I love when he raises his one eyebrow as if to say 'really mum?' I love when he does his little jiggle dance to music out of the blue. I love his chuckle when I tickle him. It makes you want to just freeze time so that you can hold onto all these things because pretty soon I know it will be another new stage new developments and such is life, time stands still for no man. But just for today thank you that we have what we have and we are where we are right now, for that is what counts the present.
Have a good Wednesday
xxxx

2009……HAPPY NEW YEAR and other tales

A big happy new year to all fellow bloggers out there and specifically to those that I follow. I have been absent on my blog for quite some time now, simply because…..well there is no excuse except it was Christmas and didn’t feel like being connected to the internet for too long bar the times I went on to do some banking.
Joshua’s first Christmas was really really fantastic, he woke in the most amazing mood and am sure that he just KNEW it was Christmas. We had a large I mean LARGE Christmas Eve Dinner at Heather and Ford in Panorama and stayed over and had my family come over in the morning to watch Josh open up all his presents. Wow was he spoilt, the presents just kept coming and coming. He of course loved the paper the most! But he got loads of stuff, money, clothes, toys, books etc, etc. He had chocolate for the first time some melted chocolate on a spoon … because it was Christmas, his mommy is normally very strict, but had promised Granny Heather that she could give him the first taste of chocolate and he….. LOVED IT! Of course he would so does his mom. Which brings me coincidentally to my New Years Resolution..Giving up Chocolate, it is not good for me I love it but I know it makes me put on weight and I have a wee problem with it I can have it all the time and the only time I ever went off chocolate was when I was pregnant. So I have decided it is a vice and in my head that I cant say no to chocolate so I am saying NO,and am going to NOT go on a diet per say but am going to start eating a lot more healthier that what I have been and start to drink more water than I am at the moment, which is none. Anyhow Christmas was a great success, and after struggling to find a childs nativity story book I finally found one, I mean even the Christian bookstores did not have one with the whole story which I just couldn’t understand. So eventually I found a beautiful Christmas Treasury book with a read-a-long CD with a couple of Christmas stories in, including the nativity story and was so pleased as I wanted to read it to Josh on Christmas day… he loves being read to and loves books, although he does try to eat them but I figure that is just because he loves them so much.

New Years was quietish we spent it with Steven and Veronica, and played Wii Fit, Guitar Hero etc, so Clive was in his element. But we had a good meal and an even better dessert, Ron you Malva Pudding Rocks, please give me the receipe… not that I should be eating it but still can make it for others….right..I may have tiny spoon.

The holidays have been great and I have one more week to go albeit that I have a lot to do in this week, Vaccinations for Josh, Paed check up, get to the library to reinstate my card, go to the traffic department to get licences, tidy up some drawers so my nanny can do some spring cleaning whilst we are on leave still, and fit in a day out with just clive and I and a day out with some friends and I have only 5 days left really excluding next weekend. Phew so I have some cramming to do. But am looking forward to having a day off this coming week so Clive and I can have a day out alone as it is hectic to be on the go all day with Josh and see to housework etc, in the middle of this we are still having showhouses so the house has to be kept neat and tidy.

So till next time which will probably when I am back in the land of the living at work J
Till then enjoy those that are still on holiday
xxxx

Here are some pics of Christmas and a fun day out at Spier with friends.

Merry Christmas to you all....

Merry Christmas in advance to all of my bloggers I am not sure if I will get to posting again until after Christmas.
So may you have a blessed day, may you spend the day with those you love and treasure the moments spent, may you eat until you are full... and then have some divine dessert afterward.
Love to all from the Lammers
xxxxx

Ho Ho Ho ....

My little boy's first picture with Santa, he hardly looks like a 8 month old here. I was so proud he did not cry like a lot of the other small kids did - a bit wary but no tears!
Looking forward to seeing his face on Christmas Eve and Day with all the festivities.
xxx

Tis not the reason for Season!

I dont know about all of you out there, but Christmas always seems a rush,everyone is in a mad panic to get things done, shops are chaos as the families descend on the shops to buy presents, food etc. Every year this doesnt seem to go away. Sometimes I think many forget the 'Reason for the Season'. Although I observe Christmas as a religious holiday myself even those that dont, it is still seen as family time, time to sit down and have Christmas EveDinner and/or Christmas Lunch. Yet I think most of us by the time Christmas has arrived are absolutely shattered. Not to mention what the purpose of Christmas is ... exactly that celebrate with our families, enjoy the 'down time' as such and if you are a practicing Christian to celebrate the birth of Jesus, to be thankful for all you have, not really writing lists and lists of stuff you want or stuff for others, because at the end of the day it is just 'stuff' - practising family traditions, spending time with family should be the purpose, giving rather than receiving - every year I balk at the amount of money we have spent on christmas presents for literally everyone and yes it is nice to give a gift, but I honestly feel that Christmas is really for the children and that sometimes Adults go a bit overboard, perhaps not many will agree with me but that is my point of view, nevertheless with so many without, with the world credit crunch going on we have decided that this year Christmas will be about the kids only! No presents for us, no presents for adults - I would rather put some of the money towards those that have nothing this year - I already have one or two that I would like to help with a bit of a hamper of food or something.

On a lighter note - for me work is crazy at the moment - utter craziness! In the midst of year end our company is opening up another Indonesion furniture store in the Retreat area at the new South Palms Decor centre as well as having opened up a temporary shop in Cavendish for the season until a more suitable space opens up there. So there is lots to do as you can imagine with that. However all I want to do is go on leave! And if one more person says to me oh you are on leave, but you were off for 4 months (i.e. for those not in the know .... I had a baby and it is a full time job!) they may get clobbered on the head with my heavy duty punch!! Holiday my a#$%! Moving along:

Being busy is my excuse for not updating my blog more often, lots has been going on and I did type a post about 3 days ago and my 3G connection failed and I lost the post, so heres hoping this one makes it. So what have the Lammers been up to for the past almost month?We had an incredibly hot weekend last weekend so spent both Saturday and Sunday by the pool letting Josh have his first swims in the big pool and a bit of a splash around in a blow up thing a ma jiggy, it looks like an aeroplane and is for the pool but we just put some cool water in it and he loves splashing around in it. The Killian twins Bianca and Nicola joined us for the day and we ending up having a little braai which was lovely. Then this week our nanny Merriam went on 3 weeks leave.... *gasp* what are we going to do!!??? Seriously we have become so dependent on her to have our house in order and washing and ironing done that I fear we have become a bit spoilt. When she left I said please just travel safe there and back as we really couldnt do without her!!! So Josh will be looked after by his grandpa Ford who I know will love spending the time with him. I cannot wait to be on leave with Clive and to spend time together as a family, something which is seriously lacking when both parents are working so hard, Clive has been getting home anytime between 8-10pm which means that Joshua is already sleeping so it is quite heartsore for me as I dont want him missing out on these years because of 'work' - I know it is important, I know it is the time of year, I know that he has to have a job - but you know what I dont care.... I think being a family is more important!Today off we went to Carnal I mean Canal Walk to see Santa and have a picture with him - luckily there were no queues and to my relief Josh didnt cry - he was more interested in trying to take off the santa hat I put on his head. But we did get a lovely printed pic of his first christmas with santa. Which brings me to another point - I have to put my tree up this weekend - and it is already 7:20pm at night and tomorrow we have a braai...sigh the hours and minutes trickle through my hands! Tomorrow we are off to a braai at Ron and Steve with a couple of old friends from school Jason and Sandi, Gavin,Cath and Max, and Nicola and Dylan and Kieran and am really looking forward to it, but it seems that we may be in for a slight chance of rain. Please Mr Weatherman can you put it off until we have finished eating and are on our way home????

Much appreciated....Hope to catch up again before Christmas - here are some pics from last weekend.


Josh Outside

Mmmm this is fun Mom

Swimming with dad and in

my noddy towel

I

Prince of the pool - Sir Joshua



The Killian family

Nicola Killian




Jaraad and Josh

My favourite pic at the moment -

Dad made my hair spiky after bath

and Mom made me laugh!!!

Are you getting excited yet?

I am.... Christmas is coming soon.....need to get out that tree dust off those ornaments and get some new ones and a new stocking for Josh..... Cant wait to go on leave as well .... although that will only be on the 23rd? Sigh I wonder if Santa needs an elf? What do the elves do all round the year by the way? Wendy any ideas?

And to end the post off with something to remember:

xxxxxx