Tis the Season

Well December is here in all its glory the summer days, wow it has been hot, the christmas vibe etc. It is also the silly season where things are hectic and life is so busy and the month seems to fly by as we busily do all that needs to be done for christmas and attend social gatherings, all in all December is a great month.
It is weird to be around the house at this time of year as I am still on maternity leave, I must say I quite like it, in fact I could go as far to say as I am getting quite used to being at home, and am wondering how I am going to cope going back to work with 2 children now to add to our lifestyle. To be honest I am not really looking forward to it, in a perfect world I would work a half day job and spend the other half with my kids, which by the by would not be an easy half to the rest of the afternoon, but would allow me to just BE with my children.
The more I think about it the more depressed I feel about going back to work, I am not looking forward to leaving Hannah at a daycare so young when Josh had a nanny at home look after him, but we dont have much choice we have a bond and bills to pay...many moms out there have had to do what I have to do and their kids are fine, but ... there is always a but ... I would just like to have freedom to work a bit to keep that adult stimulation / business acumen going and then have the time to be with my kids when I want to.

Anyhow I went off on a tangent there when I was actually talking about Christmas... Our tree was supposed to go up today but it was not done ... it was very hot in CPT and I was kept busy with going to the shop for lunch stuff, feeding, changing Hannah and Josh .. so like many things in my life at the moment things just arent getting done when I want them done, in fact I am getting quite blase about it now, 'oh well' is my attitude at the moment which is amazing for me as I like things done immediately. So we just spent the day at home which was nice in a way as we had not done that in awhile. Next weekend we are off to a wedding in Paarl on Saturday morning and the grannies are babysitting whohoo!! Clive and our first outing alone in I cannot remember how long, it is a brunch and I plan to have lots of champagne and orange juice! and then we have a kiddies Christmas party the next day which should be great fun, but most of all I cant wait for Clive to be finished with work for this year, it has been a tough last couple of months with him working ridiculous hours and Saturdays and I am at the end of my rope with it all, I just want some family time ... what is more important than that at this time of year.

 

Well I will leave you with some pics taken recently....have a good week all.

A message for the future

I am still here, I have not disappeared under the mound of disposable nappies...yet :-)
I was thinking of my blog and the blogs I read and wondered if we "took in" the 'virtual footprint' we are leaving behind? I love reading Caroline's moms Cabbages and Kings reminisces of the past and realized that each post we blog about what may be the emotion of that day or hopes for the future, our current experiences preserved for the future. I am so pleased that I have this blog that I hope will be around or I am able to somehow preserve all that I have journaled here so that one day Joshua and Hannah are able to read my thoughts and see 'the past' in their present. I have sometimes gone back to previous posts and re-read them and looked at pictures of my so called 'online diary'. I have always kept a diary from young but gave it up for many years and found writing by hand frustrating as I like to write fast and it was often untidy, I like the idea of a 'virtual diary' a lot more and wonder if there is way to preserve our blogs or even back them up so that it can be kept for our children and children's children. I have seen a book kind of like 'my baby's first record book' that is for grandmothers and grandfathers where you can record all their memories and details, which I thought was a really good idea.

I also have to add that Susan's post on Jacques 32nd Birthday had a bit of influence on the content of this blog and want to say that I really really admire your strength and honesty, you may not feel strong at times but your posts show a strength in the will to go on, to raise Jake, to honour Jacques memory and to live life to the fullest, it also brought tears to my eyes, and an appreciation of what sometimes we take for granted.

So I encourage you all to keep on blogging even if it is sometimes here and there, one day our little (or big) children will treasure the messages / receipes / pictures that you have shared.
xxxx

Juggling Balls

Today is Friday and it is the weekend, TGIF, has never been more appropriate, I have had a hellish week.... everyone keeps saying it gets better but it is hard work.
Josh was still ill on Monday and stayed home with me, Hannah has decided that she does not appreciate her brothers temper tantrums in the evenings and refuses to settle from 5:30 to at least 8pm which means my entire time is taken up by her.She is asserting or fighting for complete attention, which is the time when I need to also spend with Josh, which is the time that at least 9 times out of 10 my husband is not home from work. Sometimes getting home at 7pm either just before or just after. Which is practically bed time anyway, never mind getting supper started. Last night I lost the plot, I had two crying children, one throwing a major tantrum the other screaming her head off, vomit all down the inside of my top and a routine to still follow, i.e. feed Josh, bath Josh and breastfeed Hannah inbetween and wind her....suicide hour has turned into suicide hourS. It is not always so bad that I feel I could go off my rocker, but last night it was and where was my husband working late AGAIN.. to say I am UP TO HERE with it is an understatement...and lets not go to the 1 and a half days Paternity / Family Responsibility Leave he took. One day being the day she was born! So last night Josh heard me shout for the first time, scream at his father on the phone and then burst into tears....only for me to feel terrible afterward as his little lip trembled and then he started to cry...what a ogre I felt like, its not his fault. He doesnt understand, he tries to communicate all the words he cant say yet and the feelings of having a new sibling who monopolizes my time. On the other hand I dont feel like a great mother allowing my new born baby to cry as I give my son the quickest bath in history..... I dont want parenting to be like this, it upsets me and I know it is normal and I know it will pass, but I want to make memories not just deal with chaos all the time. I shudder to think how it will be when I have to go back to work, even more rushed, even more stressed ... we do what we have to and work because we have to and there are bonds and bills to pay... but at what price? to me there must always be a balance, life is just that a balance, everything in moderation.  But it is hard to keep all these balls juggled in the air, balance your time, balance your life, balance your budget. I suppose it is the rollercoaster of life ups and downs, joy and sadness.
I have to count my blessings though even though  my post may sound negative, I have a lot that others do not and have two children that are an absolute blessing when there are others that would be dying to go through what we are going through now..to have a child of their own, or have lost a child and would do anything to experience again what we are...Friends we know have a newborn in hospital with jaundice in ICU and whilst I am confident all will be fine with her, it just puts everything that happened last night into perspective....Today is a new day and I am thankful for it.
Have a wonderful weekend all xxx

2 weeks and 2 children

Hi all well I have survived the first two weeks...barely...lol. It has been a bit crazy to be honest and not nearly as calm and carefree as the first time around, when we had one baby to lavish attention on, a full time nanny and maid and a husband that got home at a reasonable hour.
Hannah is very good, she is actually very alert for her age I think and her neck is incredibly strong. I must admit I find the breastfeeding is going very well, and am fortunate (touch wood) that there has been no mastitis cracked nipples etc, however find it very time consuming. It is natural for a baby her size to feed anywhere between 2-4 hourly, and most of her feeds are around 3 hours with one or two been 2 hours if she feels like it then some night feeds are 4 hours. It just seems to take forever, feed, wind, maybe have to change a nappy, feed, wind. I try and allow it to be a bonding time but it is difficult when you know that there is other stuff to be done and a toddler to see to, it is more so with the late afternoon feeds not so much in the day. However Joshua has not been at daycare for the last 2 days as he had a temperature and a bit of a cough, we took him to the Doctor yesterday just to be sure, as I dont mind home treating colds etc, but dont like a chesty cough to be left and prefer to have a chest infection checked out. He has mild bronchitis, it isnt on his chest as yet but has a lot of phlegm and does not seem to cough it up, so he is on antibiotics and probiotics and some kiddies cough medicine goodness before you are home you have spent a fortune. So being at home with both has really kept me on the go, it is ok, tiring but not impossible. I can tell you one thing though it is a full time job and anyone who dares say being a stay at home mom is 'the easy life' obviously hasnt been there.

So as we muddle our way through the days, which become nights which become days and you kind of say 'wow she is 2 weeks already' and as Wendy put it 'we are doing this' as what else can we do, I try and look for the moments and capture some with camera, cuddle here and kiss there, read a bed time story and bath my newborn tenderly, before you know it the phase will have past and I will be remembering to back when Hannah was a baby. Joshua at 18months is no more a baby and when I handle Hannah then him I am amazed by his growth and the size of his feet, legs and heaviness! 12kg as opposed to 4.3kg - I will have super strong triceps! I also must mention that having been able to breastfeed has really helped shed those baby kilos, I am believe it or not weighing less than what I did when I fell pregnant with Hannah by about 3kg's!! There is still a bit of a tummy, which exercise will help get rid of and am looking forward to warmer days so that we can go walking.  Just need to watch how I eat as knowing from experience the last time, I stopped breastfeeding Josh and put on weight, but hopefully with it being summer it wont be that bad,  as can eat lots of salads etc, instead of comfort winter food. I am looking forward to the weekend as it means dad is home, he has a very pressurized job in the industry he is in and now to Dec is their busiest time so Clive has not had much chance to bond with his daughter, so I count the days till the weekend and get a bit miserable on a Sunday evening, here's to December holidays, although not too quickly... I dont want to wish away my maternity leave... dont even want to think about that right now :-(
Here are some new pics

Love me x

Hannah's Here...

Hi everyone I have been nagged for pictures so here are the first of madam princess who arrived on 23rd September 2009 @ 02:12am - weighing 4.205kg and 57cm in length!












She is here and we are in love.... it is different to having your first but no less precious, it was a long road for me this pregnancy and to say that I am thrilled she is out is an understatement! It was quite a palava (spelling?) her impending arrival. I had quite a time with my gynae and had to make a decision as believe it or not... she was going away for the long weekend, exactly when Hannah was due, and she was also away when Joshua was born so to say I was 'gatvol' of her missing the birth and potential birth of my second baby was also an understatement.
I had spoken to her on numerous occassions early on in passing every now and again, 'dont be going away again for this birth please' only for her to tell me at my 39 week check up she was going away! To cut a very long story short, I had to go to hospital on Sunday to have stress test as baby was showing up as 4.510 grams on ultrasound and I had high blood pressure and a trace of protein in urine which was a concern for pre-eclampsia. All tested fine on the Sunday and I called her office on Monday morning to discuss options: Which she said were as follows:

1. Wait it out
2. Induce
3. Caesaraen Section - due to size

I got the feeling that she was under pressure and therefore said I should wait it out - I wasnt happy to do this as knew that she would more than likely miss the birthing then due to her being away and if this baby was big and I had to do a C/Section then would prefer it to be with the Dr I had been with for my first pregnancy and now 9 months of my second. After a lot of deliberation and a few tears I decided on the induction, she would be induce only 2 days before her actual due date and felt she was at a healthy enough weight anyway and I really wanted to try and do natural birth again. Again was met by a bit of opposition but stood my ground and I was induced at about 9pm on Tuesday the 22nd September. Clive was not able to stay with me as the maternity and labour wards were full they had had 11 C/Sections that day! I was in an observation room that held two beds and therefore he could not stay with me as both of us had to try and get some sleep as they said Induction can take up to 12hrs and were not concerned about me delivering that night any time soon.
I did have a pethadine injection early on to help with the mild contractions I was having which they picked up on the monitor when I first arrived (I had woken up for 2 days in a row at 3am in the morning with bad menstrual type cramps which I wasnt sure if was Braxton Hicks - as did not have this with Josh initially as my waters broke with him first.) I had the gel for the induction and Clive duly left and so started getting more cramps nothing unbearable though... the poor woman next to me - it was her first pregnancy and she said that I was scaring her, so the nurses decided in order to let her get some rest they were going to move me into a labour ward where I could sleep. Not sure what time that was probably around midnight or so...I also remember my waters breaking whilst on the bed and then close your eyes ...TMI coming up.. felt though I needed to go to the loo for a no.2 and luckily the nurse said wait let me check if you have dilated... exactly the same scenario as Joshua's birth..she almost had a heart attack and said to the other midwife..call Doctor now shes fully dilated she can see the head. LOL... I said can I call my husband? So I call and so my husband doesnt answer.....so I call again, by this time I felt a bit out of it as I was tired and having bad contractions he answers but very groggily, I say get to the hospital NOW he answers nochantly ok and puts phone down, I picture him thinking he is dreaming and going back to sleep... I remember having the gas (which is wonderful) and that was the only thing helping me keep her until Doctor and Clive got there, which felt like 5 minutes later, they both ran through the doors together apparently. I do not exaggerate and Clive can bear as my witness that he got there and I pushed twice and she was there...Thank Goodness for that! It was all a bit of blur to be quite honest the quickness in which everything happened.... I am just glad that she arrived safe and sound and that I got the birth that I wanted and there was no need for an emergency C/Section. I told my gynae in my post birth haze she could go on holiday now.... lol!
Hannah looks so much like Josh did at birth it is scary and though she was a lot bigger (Josh was born 3.67kg) she seems finer / more petite I suppose. As I mentioned it is different with your second not as emotional and awe struck but in the 4 days that she has been here I have felt my love and bond grow with her, she knows my voice and looks directly at me from close up and it is amazing how quick you forget and how quick they grow ..so it is lovely to experience it all again.

The only downside has been for me my sadness at losing a bit of my connection with Josh, he is out of sorts as he would be, it is horrible, I hated being away from him while in hospital, I know it gave him and his dad time to bond as he has always been 'mummy's boy' but I feel so sad in my heart that he may be hurting a bit that I cant be with him all the time as I have another baby to look after and nurture and feed...(all the time). So my heart is sore on that front and he has been playing up I can only hope to try and create special mum and Josh times which is difficult in the first week but am determined to as I dont want him to feel any less loved. I suppose it is one of lifes hard lessons, it is not all about us and we cannot have the world revolve around us only, we are here to be apart of a family and have to share our emotions and our time with others.

So thats us for now we had two nightmare nights with both kids being up on Saturday night for half the night the one set the other off and Josh is teething badly, so we have been a bit zombieish this weekend, hopefully we can settle into a good routine soon. We will keep you posted...
x

Still Waiting....

So today is 15th September and though it is not Hannah's due date until the 24th September, I feel as though she should be here already, though that may be my poor tired body talking. Really no exaggeration this pregnancy has been so much harder than my first and am really looking forward to not having this huge tummy to lug around, I know I need to treasure it etc etc etc as this is MOST DEFINITELY the last pregnancy, but really I am just tired and sore and achy and feel that Hannah must come now. Josh is also playing up a bit at the moment which also makes me think that he senses something is about to change in our world soon, all of a sudden his night time routine has gone for a proverbial ball of &^%*, and he screams and cries when he has to be put down and I have to lie with him to get him to sleep, which I so dont want to do, but my heart just breaks for him ... and can also not do this controlled crying thing at night when he is so distressed. So we wait in anticipation of what little Hannah will look like and when she will decide to grace us with her presence at the moment she is just enjoying sticking her heel out every now and again which I can clearly feel to say 'hi still in here'.
We'll keep you all posted.
xxxx

ONE MORE DAY....

One more day....yipeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!
Just tomorrow and then I am on Maternity Leave yay! Have a gynae appointment in the afternoon so we will see how things go and then next week feet up and get stuck into sorting out Hannahs room and stuff.........Perhaps then I will start to really feel excited instead of so tired and drained, and look forward to the arrival of our little girl, a whole new side for us to adapt to and for Joshua to adapt to, a baby sister 'baba' as he would say hmmmm hope he likes her :-) Cause we cant return her....

On a more sombre note, the day before yesterday, some of you would have seen in the Argus yesterday the announcement of the death of a little girl Saskia at a creche in Kirstenhof.... well it was a bit close to home -in a way- as a friend of mine Theresa who works at Liberty had sent an email mid morning to please ask a group of us to pray for her colleague who had just got news that her daughter had gone to sleep at the creche and would not wake up..... the article in the newspaper yesterday was about her colleague..their whole office was shaken. I cant imagine what this poor mother (well I can try) is going through...what a nightmare. If you read the reports from the paper they say it could have been 'avoidable' as there may have been a delay from the paramedics side, but it also mentions that she was sick and they allowed her to decide if she wanted to stay at home with her grandfather or go to school, she wanted to go to school. They are awaiting the pathology reports to see the exact cause of death... but it will never bring back her 3 year old... so hug your child/ren a little tighter and never take for granted the gift of life.... a young life taken so early..... there are no answers.

Joshua - 17 months - my little boy

I cant believe my little baby is no more a baby.... he is almost a year and half.....which means that his sister is almost here :-)
How can time fly so fast???? Here are some pics.....

Joshua bored

Max Davis

Jasper Davis

gonna jump mum

having a guys talk

I love this face

Josh laughing at the guys hitting each other with a ball

sarah cobley

mmmm nice ice cream

me and my dad

THE TUM

36 weeks pregnant

Here it is a bit late I know but this was taken on Friday so I was 36 weeks then, am most definitely not brave enough to put up the belly on its own therefore it is covered with clothing. Today I feel even bigger if that is possible. So last week at work and we wait it out - hoping to have a little me time first ... but time will tell
xxx

One Month to Go and Congrats....to the Davis Family

mmmm flings are my favourite

Dont steal my flings mum!

Above are just two pics of Josh taken this past weekend yesterday in the sun.

Today is the 24th August, and most of you that read this blog know that my due date is 24th September. I wanted to actually take a pic of my tummy to post with this post but never got there so will do so in the next day or so. I am feeling HUGE and am at the stage where I am waking every 2 or so hours uncomfortable / or needing to turn / needing to go to the loo. I think it is going to be a huge relief when she is out my tummy and I can move around like a normal person and not a heffalump.
My next gynae visit is on the 7th September, though this past Saturday I really felt terrible and had cramping again and just felt a lot of pressure 'down there' and hips feel really loose, I thought oh please not today, my tummy wasnt right and felt nauseaus, so a couple of the signs were there, but so far no go. Perhaps she is heeding my pleas. So on Sunday I 'nested' quite a bit, did loads of washing and sorting, Clive did the lawn the cars etc, so we were pooped come Sunday evening. Thankfully my mom was there looking after Josh for us and he loved having his 'ganny' playing with him. I must be honest and say I dont really enjoy Monday mornings as it means that our family time spent with Josh is over, and hate dropping him off at daycare on Monday mornings as he is always quiet, I know that he gets over it quicker than I do and that today is a glorious day for him to play outside with his friends. Oh well I am hoping that I can spend a day or two with him and do some fun stuff when I start my maternity leave on my new day 4th Sept - yay!

A big CONGRATULATIONS to the Davis family on the birth of Jasper, we had only been speaking to both Gav and Cath the night before and the next day he was born! Well done especially to mum Cath who had natural birth again, fantastic news and glad that the procedure / experience went well in the end and the most important thing anyway is that you have a healthy baby boy who is too cute, dying to meet him personally! Wishing you all the best in the next month or two as you settle down as a family of 4.

Hope to post those updated pics of my huge tum in the next day or so.
Have a great Monday all
x

43 days to go ...hmmm more or less (going into 34th week)

I have 43 days to go till due date and another 23 days of work left... if all goes according to plan.
Had a chat with my friend Catherine who is due on the 21st August, yesterday. She is taking strain, the birth of her baby boy is almost here, and I who have over a month to go also feel like I could go into labour any minute, that is how uncomfortable I am. We had a long discussion on how do you know if you are in labour, both of our waters broke so that was the sign, that something was going to happen soonish... but if it doesnt happen that way and you start having contractions, how do you know when it is the real deal? Yes we have all read the books count from the first contraction to the next contraction, braxton hicks aren't as severe blah blah blah... but it would still be reassuring to know that THIS IS IT. I said to her surely with all the gimmicky things on the market someone would have invented some sort of gadget to let you know whether you are in labour. I mean you can listen to your baby's heartbeat with a gadget, theres the Itzbeen gadget that tells you when you changed your baby's nappy last / breast fed etc? So why not any gadget to let you know, ok its started :-)
I suppose we will get there one day, someone will invent it if it isnt in the process already.
I wont gross you out with a pic of my tummy but it is HUGE (and if another person at work asks me are you sure it isnt Twins? I am going to explode!) she is all forward as they say you are with girls... but I am seriously uncomfortable, everything hurts back, hips, fingers are starting to swell and am breathless all the time. I went to the shops yesterday to get some stuff for my hospital bag and after 15 min of walking said to Clive "Please lets go I cant walk anymore" .... so we will see how things go ... my next appointment is on the 17th so we will know more then.... still a bit early for her to arrive so hold thumbs that she stays put for now.

Well at 31 weeks here she is although I will be 32 weeks this week I think. Gosh time is flying. The top picture is a picture of her feet, I keep getting feet pictures! The bottom is one of her sort of lying face down and if you look very carefully on the right at the top you can actually see hair, it looks like tufts of grass! She has loads apparently. I have never been a believer really in the old wives tale that lots of hair gives you heartburn as I thought Josh had lots of hair and never suffered it with him, but with this baby have had quite bad heartburn and having never been a suffer of it, it really sucks!
She has moved head down - YAY - for now though has been moving so much who knows where she is now. So my gynae Marie was happy that she had moved from transverse to head down as provided she stays there they do not need to turn her. Hannah is 2.12kg already and I have about 8 weeks of pregnancy or so left, although I take these weights from these machines with a pinch of salt as Josh was supposed to be ginormous over 4kg and he was born 3.67. so there is a variance on the machines of about 15%. Hannah has long legs apparently so am now getting excited to see how she looks in her own right, I feel so bad that I have not revelled much in this pregnancy as much as I did with Josh, but it is just not the same when you have a toddler to look after already. I am hoping that I get a few days alone at home before she decides to make an appearance - to bond a bit with her in my tummy. I am hoping to finish up with work on the 10th September which doesnt leave me with much time but need to work as long as possible in order to get some income in. My gynae says that there is a good chance that she will come a week or so early like Josh, especially since she is a good weight. I just hope my gynae is around for it this time!
I have decided to go for a butterfly themed nursery with pinks and whites - but have not had much of a chance to do anything about it, except I have bought a beautiful white cot duvet and pillow set with butterflies on it, so need to try sort the rest of nursery out and then sort Josh's room out for him too so he doesnt feel left out. Also need to hunt for a present for him from the 'baby' I think that this is a nice gesture and would like it to be something special so any ideas would be appreciated.
And that is all for now, as my countdown gets nearer and nearer and I am getting bigger and bigger, September is around the corner. I can say I am looking foward to being on Maternity Leave in spring and being able to go for walks etc, and revel in the sunshine!

Before I forget, a big Congrats to purple ronnie on the news of her pregnancy! Amazing news, a truly amazing blessing from God! Falling pregnant naturally after having to have fertility treatment previously is truly a blessing, wishing you much happiness with this new addition to the family, it seems the pregnancy bug is in the air again...beware :-) I already know of someone else preggers....so it is definitely in the air - but my lips are sealed for now!

xxxx

The Republic of Hout Bay

Here are some pictures of our day out:

This past weekend we had spectacular weather, we paid a visit to our friends Gavin and Catherine in the Republic of Hout Bay.. they have their own passport you know :-)

We had a horrendous weekend with Joshua he has 4 molars coming through (high temperatures, whining and crying, kicking and screaming, not eating etc etc etc) and I wasnt well on Friday with cramps and backache so on Saturday decided to get out a bit to have a break from being indoors before I went totally insane. So we took a drive to Hout Bay to the harbour, which Joshua absolutely loved, the boats, the water, the seagulls, and yes even the Hout Bay Hillbillies, of which there were a few on the pier by the harbour.... Then we popped in at Gavin and Catherine and the kids played for awhile together whilst we had a delicious lunch and caught up. Catherine and I are a month apart pregnant so we have lots to chat about and both with small toddlers, we can have a good natter about all our trials and tribulations.

Our nanny is back at work for the interim, I still need to sit down and discuss the changes in her employment but absolutely loved the fact that I came home to a clean house last night and today she is repacking Joshua's wardrobe and sorting out the clothes sizes that are too small and clearing the compactum for Hannah...bliss...

As for me I am now 31 weeks pregnant and have a gynae visit tomorrow so hopefully she has turned she feels a bit lopsided today but its anyones guess until tomorrow how she is lying all I know is that my back is killing me and had sciatica nerve pain the other day have definitely been having Braxton Hicks contractions quite scary I must say. So will do a post on update tomorrow or the following day. In the meantime here is a picture of my GROWING belly: